Relationships make us human. We strive on a variety of levels for companionship and intimacy with a life partner. Inevitably, over time, conflicts arise which can intensify and interfere with the stability of the marriage. It is critical to recognize the nature and extent of these issues in order to assess whether they may continue to negatively impact the relationship. When the couple feels the need for professional assistance, couple & marital psychotherapy may be helpful. We ask that you consider marriage counseling on Long Island with Dr. Joel Kuppersmith.
The purpose and scope of treatment for the couple are to be determined during an initial consultation. I generally work with the couple on the relational issue which often underlies the presenting problem. This is not meant to minimize the conflict which brings the couple into treatment. I often find the couple will improve their level of relating and communicating with each other with continued couple therapy following the resolution of the presenting conflict.
Trust, in one form or another, is usually a fundamental issue when a couple enters marriage counseling or marital therapy. There may be current behaviors that contribute to these concerns or there may be less obvious relational trust issues that may exist below the surface and are largely unconscious but profoundly affects the level of relational trust. Both levels of mistrust need to be addressed in marriage counseling or couple therapy with a mental health professional.
There are marriages that may require individual psychotherapy for one or both spouses. If there is evidence of substance abuse, addiction, betrayal, or any behavior which could represent a marital rupture, I customarily refer to a colleague as it is, in my professional opinion, too complex a therapeutic task to work effectively with individuals while working with the marriage/couple unit. For couple therapy to be successful, the dyad must be treated as a separate entity. This does not by any means negate the importance of the two individuals. In fact, the exploration and enhanced awareness of the individual through personal psychotherapy will only improve the overall functioning of a fundamentally healthy relationship.
Couples and marital therapy can provide a qualitative positive change in the nature and experience of each person in the marriage. Although discord in the relationship initially brings a couple into therapy, the opportunities exist to improve the overall functioning of the marital unit.
Is It Effective?
To have and to hold, in sickness and in health. The person that you marry is who you choose to spend the rest of your life with, working through life’s difficult moments together as a team. However, sometimes that bond can be tested and broken by seemingly insurmountable issues of financial, social, stressful, or relationship-based nature. Immediately going for divorce is never a sound decision. Not only does taking that leap instinctively leave you woefully unprepared for any proceedings to come, and leaves your family and children at risk of turmoil, but also negates any future possibility of fixing these issues. Luckily, the methods of Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) used in marriage counseling are now roughly 75 percent effective. Starting marriage counseling on Long Island can be the key to saving a stressful relationship.
Why are people skeptical?
Marriage counseling is hard work, and there are no guarantees. It is a non-physical net gain and remains invisible in the public eye, as not many people who see the benefits of marriage counseling talk about their experiences with the world. In the over 2 million marriages held each year, approximately 800,000 of them end in divorce. Both parties need to be willing to put in the effort to attend meetings, learn how to properly communicate with your given issue, and work together to repair what has been broken. Your marriage counselor is your mediator. We provide an open environment with the right tools to talk things through with your partner, but we can’t achieve that goal unless both parties can hold a discussion without fear, hiding, or attempting to lie.
The earlier you decide to receive marriage counseling, the better it is for your relationship. Couples tend to wait approximately 6 years of unhappiness before seeking help. That is 6 years of festering stress and resentment that takes an ever-growing pile of effort to scrape away. Not only that, but there are any number of reasons why you wish to seek marriage counseling, so your unique situation may require a unique solution. Once you recognize the signs of a relationship issue, schedule an appointment for marriage counseling on Long Island as soon as possible.
What can marriage counseling help with?
- No resolve – Where both parties can never agree on a solution or find themselves in eternal conflict over any number of issues
- Negative communication – Where one or both partners express themselves in ineffective ways. This can include lying, gaslighting, misinterpreting, or starting emotionally charged discussions. The communication breakdown can stem from insecurity or depression, so it’s important to get the right words out and to mean what you say. Marriage counseling on Long Island can help you to find constructive communication techniques.
- Staying together for the children – We understand that your children are your highest priority. However, children are extremely intuitive, and hiding issues from them may just lead them to notice. Sometimes staying together for the kids is more detrimental than good, and other times all it takes to repair the rift is therapy. Either way, staying together for your children is a misled yet noble effort that requires a third party to see what the situation needs to proceed amicably.
- Roommates – When a couple feels that their communication and intimacy become more of a chore than an active effort
- Extended time apart – If you feel that you or your partner find peace from conflict outside of the home, you are dealing with that conflict in an unhealthy way. Spending time away from home only reinforces that being gone = no conflict. This idea solves nothing about the issue but ignores it until it is no longer relevant, allowing deep-rooted issues to fester under the surface.
- Affairs – It is very difficult to come back from an affair, but not impossible. There is a lot of commitment and forgiveness necessary in healing this deep wound, so both partners have to be absolutely committed to truthfulness and faithfulness henceforth.
If you have any of the issues detailed above or want to discuss with a clinical psychologist your marriage counseling options on Long Island, contact us today.